I wasn’t the first one of my friends to get an iPhone. Infact, I think I delayed getting one because I didn’t want to be one of those losers who ‘follows trends.’ Now I look at people who have similar ideas and I feel sad for them and their lonely life. My first iphone was a 3GS. It was the standard black colour. I admit, I instantly forgot what life was like without one. Yep, I was a god fearing iPhone addict - god being Steve Jobs and my addiction being apple.
Now the point of this story isn’t to blab on about how great iPhone’s are. The point is to tell you why I am never going to purchase another iPhone again. AND I HATE Vodafone but that’s another story.
1st iPhone
The aforementioned iPhone 3GS. I had it for a while. I never deleted messages and it held all my trendy ‘indie’ songs plus a small amount of Tool and NIN. The story behind the death of my 1st iPhone happened one fateful night in a triangle house in Bowral. I was in Bowral with my friend Nicole Waples. She was unemployed at the time but took a weekend off to take me down and show me around. She grew up there. Anyway, it just so happened that another friend in Bowral was having a bit of a shin-dig on the Saturday night. It was held at their parent’s triangular shaped house. It’s a great house, the kind you’d expect from a retired australian rock star - someone like Jimmy Barnes. Actually I think their dad was in that band, Ganga Jang. Anyway, so we were drinking and being merry. One drink led to another and before I knew it, it was time for a wee. I had on my little home-made denim cut offs, some trashy ripped stockings underneath and over the top I wore an oversized maroon grandpa cardi. I pulled my pants down like the way you do when you have to wee and suddenly I hear this plop! My iPhone had slipped out of my back pocket and right into the bowl of the toilet. I plunged my hand into the bowl, grabbed it out and then, not knowing what to do(and being slightly drunk) I put it on the soft toilet mat to dry. I sat back on the toilet and finished my wee. I pondered about whether it could be saved. The screen was lit up white, I turned it off. Then I thought, after shaking a lot of the water out, maybe it would work and so I turned it back on. It was all white again so I turned it off. I proceeded to turn it on and off about 4 times.
At first I hid it from my friends. I was sad. At that stage I really appreciated my iphone. But it was dead. I ended up telling them about 20 minutes later, they all had the same question, pre wee or post wee? Needless to say, the phone was never revived.
2nd iPhone
It was probably a couple weeks after the toilet incident that I came across my second iPhone. This one was also a 3GS but white. Lets just say, It found me. I was sitting in a cab one night, on the way home from drinking, whatever. We stopped at some lights on Oxford Street when this guy pokes his head in the window. He was a very drunk, French backpacker on his way to Surry Hills. It was kinda out of the way but I let him jump in. I think I made some funny joke about him being a french frog, did I mention he was drunk? At some point he decided it was ‘ok’ to put his hand on my leg, obviously I pushed it off. Then he tried to kiss me. He was trashed so I just laughed at him, said something like “yeah right” and then brought up the topic of Baguettes. We got to his stop, the fair was at about $9. He throws $5 at me and says, “this should be enough.” I told him that the fair was $9 and he should pay all of it since I was kind enough to share my cab with him. He was arrogant - no surprises there, told me in a stern drunk, french accent, “I think this is fair” and got out. The cab driver and I were in agreement that the guy was a dickhead.
About 5 minutes into the trip from Surry to Dully I looked upon the empty seat to my left. And sitting there, shining, sparkling like a gift from Jobs was a brand new iPhone 3GS, white. I picked it up, it had no lock on it, so I browsed the content. Of course, it belonged to the drunk idiot who just got out of the cab. Now, I’m normally a good person. Sometimes I give my seat up for old people and pregnant ladies on the train. I didn’t think of keeping that phone for myself…immediately. Infact, I messaged some guy on the phone to arrange a time for them to collect it. But, peer pressure got the better of me (also that little part of me which believes in karma) and so, after telling my friends the story they all insisted that I keep the phone. I Jail-broke it, restored all my contacts and previous apps and wallah! I was back in the game like no one saw me leave.
Part 2 coming soon.
